Setoshin

Jul 18 2009, 04:03 PM

The Summer time vibes are in the air right now which means (or more specifically in UK) that every conceivable music group or artist begins to release their 'Greatest Hit's album or follow up with a sophomore album. Now I use the term "Greatest Hits" very subjectively here. In some circumstances you might have a complete masterpiece being released, such as Jay Z's "Greatest Hits" (2006) which is a masterpiece of a compilation album. However at other dark and derelict times you might have to encounter the disasterpieces of such bands/artists such as Daft Punk, James Morrison and *shudder* LL Cool J. What irks me most, is that the aforementioned musicians are all regarded as legends in the music industry.
So here I will guide you through the most overrated and worst musicians in history.

1- Oasis
Lord I hate them so much. These UK rockers from the City of Manchester have been since 1994 herald as icons of the working class British masses. Lauded for their 'unique' song writing and 'powerful' melodies they have routinely made it into any top 10 'Greatest' UK bands category. Now while I wouldn't classify Oasis as "absolutely-*ing-terrible" band, I do indeed think the praise given to them is the result of the anglophile US press jumping on anything remotely alternative coming from the UK.
Bottom-line, Oasis is shit. While I admit the have a few good songs (Wonderwall, Know what I mean) for the most part Oasis believe their own hype. The songs on their albums are all dull, lifeless and conjure up images of accompanying your mother to the clinic or hospital whereby you'd wait two hours for one inoculation injection. Absolutely boring and painful to bear through.
Furthermore They aren't particularly original in their song writing material and appear to be from the mundane cesspool that is Brit-pop. And as we all should know Brit-pop was essentially a genre dedicated to the elite middle class jackasses who sit down at coffee shops to purposefully discuss what is 'hip'. Despite not having any longevity in the wider music scene it is still heralded as the highlight of British culture in the 1990s. I suppose considering us Brits had nothing going on during the 90s besides the Spice Girls and economic boom, I suppose we needed a continuous reminder of the British working class.
Plus I really hate the Gallagher brothers. They're pricks. They're constantly in the press for their drunken and violent behaviour, but SOMEHOW they've managed to endear themselves so much to the parasitic British press due to their crappy music they've inflicted on us for a decade and a half that they're continually forgiven for their transgressions. Bastards.

2- Coldplay
Shit, Coldplay is the MOST OVERATED BAND IN THE UNIVERSE. I absolutely despise them. They're lauded as rockers but for some inexplicable reason, no one with half a brain has managed to realise that what the filth they're peddling is not rock n roll, it is rather a dull, melancholic journey through what the bastard lead singer Chris Martin can do with that disgusting voice of his and a piano. Seriously, I have yet to see why people love them so much. Their music can't even be danced or moshed to. At least if you're going to give bad music a label, AT LEAST make it the correct one. I'd rather call Coldplay "symphonic ambient horseshit" than ANY form of alternative rock music. It has the same effect on me if someone were to tell me Soulja Boy made opera music. You instantly think "WTF? I should kill you on sight for saying that!" Coldplay have that effect on me.
Honestly, give me one listenable song of Coldplay besides "Viva La Vida". They have no originality with their music. They simply have perfected the art of making dull and slow music which the social elite commonly found in the Starbucks of the Western world can pretend to like it. I can imagine the millions of deluded Coldplay fans shaking their heads because I, Setoshin, do not 'get' the so called 'complexities of a Coldplay song. Seriously, show me ONE Coldplay fan who actually bops their head to the music. What do Coldplay fans even do at concerts? Do they dance? Do they get high on the atmosphere? I can imagine that they simply trade anecdotes about what Salvador Dali's art 'means' to them. Honest to God, Coldplay makes me angry.
Shittest band I have ever heard.

3- LL Cool J
There is nothing more disheartening than watching an LL Cool J video and bopping your head along to the nice beat and flow, but then to be surprised by the sight of LL Cool J licking his lips. Seriously, he does that ALL the time. Nothing can challenge a man's masculinity more than seeing a heavily chiselled 300lb topless man stare straight into the camera, KNOWING fully well that around 50% of his audience would be die hard male rap fans and having to endure LL Cool J licking his lips. Something about that ain't right. Whenever I catch a glimpse of LLCJ licking his lips it reminds me of the same uncomfort I felt when I saw D'Angelo and his nude body "Untitled (How Does It Feel?)Untitled (How Does it Feel?)" shown. Needless to say, 1999 will always remind me of the year in which I questioned my sexuality. Thank you D' Angelo. Thank you.
Anyway, back to the wider issue about why LL Cool J sucks. I'll summarise it into some main points:
- LLCJ is a sell out. He started making tracks geared to all the female sensitivity bullshit but then switched it to the gangsta bullshit with "Momma Said Knock You Out". If you're going to make bullshit then at least be consistent.
- The lips thing....Lord...I can't EVER clear that out of my head.
- He isn't a 'terrible' rapper per se, but then again he was given way too much credit for making mediocre albums and having only two decent party song under his belt "Momma Said Knock You Out" and "Phenomenon"

4 - Greenday
While again, not a terrible band they deserve to be placed on any list on most overrated. First of all, Greenday aren't anything special. Yes, they have a few good songs out, but for the most part their albums are the generic run of the mill punk rock albums. Although at times heralded as being the saviours of rock music during the 90s (obviously by delusional fools) Greenday have consistently churned out sub-par albums. Might I add consistently?
Their song writing ability rarely stuns the listener and appeals mainly to teenagers who are not focused on the song writing ability of the track but rather the lyrical content and how it correlates with their crappy disaffected lives. To make a good song you do not just need good lyrics (which Greenday lack regardless) but also a listenable beat behind that. Greenday for the most part churn out basic and lacklustre songs. While they do not "absolutely suck" they definitely don't occupy being called the best band since time immemorial.
Yes, they might have a few good tracks. But how many of them would you listen to again? Bar "Time of Our Lives (Good Riddance)", "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and if I'm surpremely desperate "BrainStew/Jaded" what of GreenDay can we consistently listen to? What in fact can we listen to more than once from GreenDay? "American Idiot" became a boring mindless tune and seemed to be a mere pandering to angst driven teenage anti-Americanism.
For the most part if you strip away Billy Armstrong's voice (which is not that unique) the music of GreenDay sounds undistinguishable from that of the Offspring, Rancid and even Bad Religion. They lack any form of unique sound.

5 - Classical Rock bands….I.e. The Beatles, AC/DC, Cliff Richard and Pink Floyd.
I can tell some of you reading this might be perplexed at why these bands have been included here. The simple fact is, while they might be decent enough bands, they are far too overrated for my liking.
For a brief summarisation, here a few reasons why the aforementioned bands suck horseballs:
- The Beatles were not particularly amazing songwriters or singers. They were only famous because they were the first of their kind. However originality does not equate with amazing. If that were the case then we'd be calling Soulja Boy, Lil Jon and Daft Punk as particularly good artists...Actually if that were the case Setoshin would be calling them good artists. Due to that fact that most people are idiots, if it's renowned it probably sucks. Anyway, the songs by the Beatles are quite dull and appear to be liked by the masses mainly because they have grown up surrounded by the music, rather than any real appreciation for the Beatles. It’s like how we insist on having Brussels sprouts with meals despite the fact that many people detest them.
However I won’t conclude that the Beatles are bad musicians. They have some good songs. It’s just that they are given too much credit when much superior bands of the same era exist, such as Credence Clearwater Revival, The Who and Three Dog Night. The Beatles might be a good band, but they are overrated. Massively.

-AC/DC…Yuck. Could we get anymore overrated? AC/DC effectively is a bunch of old aged men parading in shorts rocking out unimaginative songs which are irritating to listen to more than once. Sure “On a Highway to Hell” is a great song, but how many songs other than that do they have? Their album songs suck, mainly because AC/DC come from the era in which putting decent songs on an album was not important. All you needed was a single or two and the rest of the songs were given scant attention.

-Cliff Richard. Could we be anymore boring? Seriously, what is it that this guy has done for music? I can’t name any Cliff Richard songs right now. Not because I haven’t heard him before, but rather because they are all forgettable tracks that hardly stir the soul.

-Pink Floyd. Rather than ushering anything actually impressive, PF ushered in the era of geeky progressive rock. With all it’s 7-12 minute respective song track glory. PF reminds me of Oasis. No one knows exactly what makes them a great band, but nevertheless people like them based upon one song “Brick in the Wall”. Why PF are renowned is beyond me. They are as stale as a decade old cereal and really have nothing to offer anyone besides mundane spacey rock themes and a heavy reliance on terrible electronic effects. I don’t mind the experimentation PF incorporated into their later tracks, but if one is going to experiment, at least do it well. I’d much prefer the older more psychedelic tracks of PF than their synth-electronic driven garbage that they perfected during the “Meddle” album and the “Wish You Were Here” album. The “Dark Side of the Moon” I’ll tolerate. But it still does not remove the fact that PF have peddled the art of heavily layered electronic geek music for decades.

12 - The Rolling Stones

I could have easily added this into the classical rock band section, but I believe that the Rolling Stones are so utterly bad that they deserve their own section for shitness. There are no adjectives to describe how absolutely crap the Rolling Stones are. I’ll have to summarise it to avoid going off in a 12 page rant on why Mick Jagger should be shot and killed.

Mick Jagger can’t sing or dance. So why in the blue hell is he the front man for the band!? That’s like having John McCain and Sarah Palin in a rap or techno band. It just doesn’t add up.
Have you seen The Rolling Stones? They’re disgusting to look at! They look like four shrivelled up white guy penises! I normally try and disassociate the artist’s appearance from the music (because then who would buy a Jay Z album?) but I can’t help but imagine small uncircumcised penises when I watch Mick Jagger’s face. How his daughter ended up being hot is beyond me.
Irritating music. I hate “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction”. With a passion.
Mick Jagger again.
Much better bands out there. I.e. Credence Clearwater Revival, Three Dog Night, Otis Redding and The Who.

13- Indie and folk music.

If it’s indie or folk then get the * out. It’s a mere assortment of bands who in their vain attempt to take you on an emotional journey with an acoustic guitar and an organ, instead take you on a long winded journey through the darkest depths of music depravity and have you believing you like it. But we all know you don’t. No one in their right mind can enjoy The Libertines. I refuse to accept it.
Folk music conjures up images of smug assholes sitting down in Starbucks about to head off for their lunch time therapy meeting while listening to Joanie Mitchells. Or whatever she’s called. I can just imagine them shaking their heads smugly chuckling that I don’t “get” the music. No I do get the music. I just think that it’s shit.

Setoshin

Jul 20 2009, 09:48 PM

And I do agree, Adam Lambert actually brought some enjoyment to the song. He was cool. Only one I liked in the competition.

Setoshin

Jul 21 2009, 10:56 AM

I'm not too clear on this allegations of homophobia. I mean they did use covert homophobia on the O'Reiley factor to hurt Lambert's chances. By making it into an issue on a conservative show with millions of homophobic conservative viewers might have been an attempt to rally the conservative base to vote for Allen, however this is indeterminable.
But during the Top 3 night they did say that the vote margin was only a million votes, so perhaps Allen did legitimately win.
Oh perhaps Allen did legitimately endear himself more to the people, not because the voters were homophobic but because he appeared much nicer and a better singer.

I can't actually remember Allen too much. I stopped watching after a few episodes. But I did think that Lambert definitely was the best one on the show, so it is a mystery.